This morning, I struggled to become quiet in His presence. Maybe you’ve had those mornings, too? Maybe you’re thinking of those rushed mornings, or those mornings where you feel like you don’t have the time and need to do this quickly, or a thousand distractions keep you from really quieting down?
I know those mornings all too well, but this morning wasn’t one of those. This morning, I had cleared my schedule and removed distractions and made time for some extended time in His presence.
But I struggled.
I struggled to focus, struggled to find my way to that quiet place by the stream of living water where I often meet Him, deep down in my soul.
There wasn’t an exterior reason for it.
It was my thoughts. My very anxious thoughts.
They were anxious about tomorrow. Anxious about my future, about a project, about a relationship. Anxious about what might come, and about how today’s reality won’t last. Anxious about what tomorrow’s reality will look like.
Those anxious thoughts are robbing me of the joy of meeting Him, the joy of a quiet soul.
Anxiety about tomorrow robs me of today’s joy.
I don’t want it to happen. I don’t want my joy to be taken by my anxious thoughts, and Bible verses race through my mind that tell me that I shouldn’t worry about tomorrow.
I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want to. And yet, I do.
I try to let go of them, release them into His hands.
I struggle. I struggle some more. Sometimes, it works. Sometimes, I give up too quickly.
This day, somehow, I find the path that leads down into my soul to the stream of living water and I see the Father’s been waiting for me. I soak in the glorious golden light and watch the sun’s reflection on the water, breathing in deeply, smelling the fresh greenery.
I sit down next to Him. Somehow, it all seems good again.
That’s how it ought to be. That’s where I want to be. That’s where I want to go every. single. day.
Some days, it’s easier.
Other days, I am too distracted by my thoughts. Distracted by external things. Distracted by my selfish desires, my flesh that doesn’t want to take the time to go there.
Distracted, like so many people I saw at that airport a few months ago, back when people still travelled. I had been flying through the night and had an early morning layover. I stood at the gate, waiting to board the last of several planes for that trip. I was tired and looking forward to home, my own bed, and my regular food routine.
On the other side of the terminal, the sun was cracking through rainy clouds and it bathed the entire terminal hall in the most beautiful morning glory.
I looked around in the terminal. The people sitting around me were all focused on something – mostly their phones. Some people just sat there, staring at the floor in front of them, too tired to look up. Some people chatted. Some people rushed by, catching their next flight.
No one looked at the sun. No one soaked in the warmth, the golden glory, the beauty right before them.
They were too distracted. Too tired. Too focused on something else. Too rushed.
I know that sometimes, I’m one of them. Sometimes, I am distracted, tired, focused on something else, or rushed.
Sometimes, my anxious thoughts are like barriers that prevent me from seeing the golden and glorious right before my eyes. So often, I stand in the way of myself going down to that quiet place, and soaking in the warmth for the day.
I know when I find the calm, my day starts brighter and warmer, quieter, more reflected and with the right focus.
When I take time and go down that path, I will see the golden and glorious right in front of me.
