Constant.
It’s almost ringing in my ears.
Constant. Constant. Constantly constant.
A constant drawing in.
A constant reminder from the One who is constant.
A synonym of it is steadfast, you know? You know, right? That word that so often appears in the Bible together with the word love. Steadfast love?
It is derived from this one little Hebrew word in the Bible that is ‘hesed’, a word so difficult to translate that we need two words in the English language to describe it well enough. But even then it doesn’t fully do it justice.
Steadfast love. Or maybe also, constant love?
Constant. Never leaving, never changing, never wavering. Constantly here, constantly ready to draw me in.
And that’s what He has been doing, the Giver of steadfast love. He has constantly been drawing me in.
I see it again and again in the pages of my journal. There is constant wavering and turning and one day it’s this and one day it’s that and I am never really sure of anything. And He is always right there, always drawing me closer to Himself, so close that He can whisper it right into my ears: “I am your constant. I am your steadfast. I am your center, your true north. I will always give you direction. Just keep walking, one step at a time.”
I am never satisfied with this journey of life that asks us to take one step at a time.
I want the map, the full picture, the end to where the path leads, and I want to know every twist and turn along the way.
But He doesn’t give me that. Instead, He draw me in. Constantly. Steadfastly.
Again and again, He tells me things. He shows me steps. Sometimes, the doors do not open the way I thought they would. Sometimes it felt like what I had heard him say wasn’t true.
But what if it wasn’t about being true or not, but it was about trusting Him every step along the way? What if the truest, realest thing He wants me to pay attention to is not His words, His answers, His miracles, but it’s Him?
What if it takes many twists and turns until I finally learn the lesson, finally understand that it is not about the road map, but it is about the walk with Him. What if it is not about walking the path as quickly as I can, but it is about listening to Him, and resting, enjoying the view, with Him, and being ready to take a step when it is time to do so?
What if all that I can not do if I’d have the roadmap, but I can only do it if I walk in synchrony with Him?
And it is right there, in the pages of my journal, where He does exactly that, asks me to do exactly that, again and again: He asks me to wait. He asks me to trust. He asks me to walk with Him.
Constantly. For years.
I’m not kidding. I’m a slow learner.
But maybe, just maybe, today is the day when I will finally learn it: this life, it is not about the end goal, or the road map, it is about the journey. A journey with Him.
My constant.
